This semester has been one of the Lord revealing his wisdom to me through what he gives and takes away. I am ever at the mercy of an all-powerful God. He will bring me and all his children back to himself, over and over again, no matter how two-faced we are, proclaiming his praises with our lips while fully loving the world and its distractions instead. May my heart and mind be transformed by wisdom from you, God, but may it turn me to humility and submission rather than pride and self-promotion.
I love you, forgive my unlovingness (1 Corinthians 13:1)!
I believe, forgive my disbelief (Mark 9:24)!
I sin, forgive my self-love and self-righteousness (1 John 1:8)!
Jesus, empty me of everything that is not of you. Make me desperate for your presence. Make me weep because I know how good you are. Transform my heart to want you alone. Rid me of self-love and self-promotion; place in me the desire to know you more fully and show others your redeeming and perfect love. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Start with my realization of my ugly, sinful heart.
Putting anything above my Lord and Savior is an insult to who he is and the ways he has extravagantly loved us. Even so, having anything merely coexist with my God is not less of a sin. God, make me desperate for you and help me to acknowledge that you give and take away according to what brings you the most glory and me the most good. Help me to not turn this into a system of rewards. Help me to not expect rewards in exchange for pious living. Help me count all things as joy, and live in the space of desiring your will for my life, even though it’s not “my plan.”
You are on the move. I’m just trying to keep up!
This final prayer is adapted from a prayer one of my roommates’ friends from back home began to pray recently:
Father, if you will it, I have this day to live for you. One day to grow, to read, to learn, to give, to obey. Today I pray that you make me desperate for you. Completely, utterly, and uncontrollably desperate. I want to cry out Abba, Father, to read your Word with awe, to pray to you with reverence, to fast with humility, and to consistently praise your holy Name. Please, make me desperate. Remind me of my mortality and set eternity in my heart. I ask in your son’s precious Name: make me desperate for you.
May this day and this final week of sophomore year glorify the goodness and saving grace you have lavished upon me!