I took a very unintentional hiatus from writing here, vacillating between feeling like I had nothing of substance to say and feeling like something was there, but I couldn’t put words to it.
2018 went by quickly, and it’ll only pick up from here (so I’ve heard). In 2018 I learned how to leave a life I created for a place that wasn’t safe, wasn’t comfortable. My life looks vastly different on this January 1st, 2019 than it did on January 1st, 2018.
In January I visited Montana for the first time ever (!) and sealed my fate as a person who turns into a white-haired hippie lady and retires in a crunchy town like Missoula. You know where to find me in 2060. In February I traveled to New York for work and started thinking about what it might mean to live here. In March I came back to NYC to launch a new product for work and visited Adeline in Copenhagen for a week. Lesson learned: visit your friends, pick warm places.
In April we stacked weekends with Nicole’s bachelorette party and bridal shower and I got to see how fulfilling it is to celebrate someone who spends her whole life celebrating those around her. In May I packed up and moved to New York, then turned right back around for Kristi’s wedding and a huge college reunion. In June Nicole got married, I went back to New York and walked around wide-eyed for three straight weeks, then Nicole and Emma visited for my birthday. Lesson learned: it’s hard to show people your new home that you’ve only lived in for a month, so pick ones that are graceful and will learn alongside you.
In July I traveled to Orange Beach and home to Wilmette and Marco Island, FL. I was almost never home and the scared small part of me that wasn’t sure about New York’s home-yness was completely okay with it. In August I learned how to make NY home a bit more, but punctuated it with a quick reunion at home that included taking my mom to see Sam Smith (one of my better last minute decisions). In September we had a housewarming party for our sweet little white-brick-walled Brooklyn apartment, and it made me feel like sticking around.
In October we celebrated Katharine’s birthday with a surprise of friends visiting from DC, and in November we returned the favor with a DC trip of our own. In December I experienced my first NYC Christmas, which was both awe-inspiring and less overwhelming than I expected.
Punctuate the big events here, the cross-country move and traveling and celebrations with lots of Netflix watching alone, time spent on trains, and pizza slices eaten, and you have my year. Not every day will make the recap and I’m learning more and more how important that is – not only for contentment with your own life, but to use in connecting with other people. No, we don’t always need to stay out until tomorrow and spend a ton of money; sometimes we can just sit here on the couch eating Trader Joe’s cake or whatever we ordered on Seamless and that’s what’s right right now.
While I usually like to think (and/or fool myself) that I write for other people as well as myself, this really doesn’t have to be for anyone else. There’s a reason why Spotify’s 2018 year in review is so popular (ClassPass did one this year too!) – when we’re in the thick of it, we can forget what really makes up our lives. Looking back and being able to point out: “I see myself there,” “that’s who I am” is both comforting and freeing.
Maybe one day when I sell out to the man I’ll have cute little graphics that say “this many miles traveled” and “this many dollar slices eaten” and “this many blah blah” but for now, it’s just me here, saying hi and I’m grateful I got to experience 2018.